7 Unique Tips to Prepare Yourself for Divorce in New York

Preparing for a divorce in New York can seem daunting, but with careful planning and the right guidance, you can manage the process more effectively. Here are some crucial steps to take when preparing for divorce, as guided by experienced divorce attorney Brian D. Perskin.

1. Document and Safeguard Personal Property

Inventory and photograph your household furniture, art, jewelry and other items of value. Inventory and photograph the contents of any safe deposit box or family safe your family may own. Also, photocopy any important documents in the safe or safe deposit box (if you did not already do so when collecting the financial records).

It is unfortunate, but often these documents and property will “disappear” once the divorce process starts so get your proof in place now.

Additionally, you may want to consider safeguarding any items of particular value (either monetary or sentimental) which are small in size. I am referring primarily to things like the jewelry your mother passed down to you, your father’s fountain pen, your high school year book, your childhood photo albums, etc. Your spouse may not share your desire to divorce with dignity. Better to safeguard those items that are particularly difficult to replace.

Note that I am not suggesting you empty the house of its contents. That is a sure way to escalate the divorce and guarantee that you will not have a civilized divorce. Things like dvd players, camcorders and laptops can be replaced. Just document those on your inventory and photograph them for proof in the event it is ever needed.

2. Assess Financial Accounts

If you’ve completed the prior steps in this series, then you already know what accounts exist and what the balances are. You need to make a decision about what to do with them.

It is an unfortunate reality that one of the first things that some spouses do when they learn/decide a divorce is imminent is to raid the accounts. This is typically done after receiving particularly bad advice from an adversarial lawyer or a well meaning, but poorly informed friend.

In a perfect world neither party would touch the financial accounts except to pay normal household bills until after the divorce is over. However, if this was a perfect world, you would not be reading this blog, and I would be in another line of work because divorce lawyers would be unnecessary.

That being said I do not recommend that you clean out the accounts. Doing so immediately escalates the conflict and stress of divorce. It also will not be well received by the divorce judge.

So, you don’t want to clean out the accounts, but you want to be protected from your spouse cleaning them out. If you have a reasonable fear that your spouse will raid the accounts, the only reasonable solution that I know is to remove one half of the funds from the accounts and put them in a new account in your own name. Do not hide, dispose, or waste the money. Document carefully where every penny is spent because you will likely need to make an accounting of it later in negotiations or at trial. Additionally, you should not do this for the regular checking account out of which the household expenses are paid unless there is a substantial balance in the account over and above the amount needed for paying the current month’s bills. You do not want to take action that would cause checks to bounce.

I don’t make this as a blanket suggestion. If the money can be kept there and neither party remove it, that is preferred. Another option for certain types of accounts is to put a freeze on the account. Obviously that is only practical for accounts that are not regularly needed to pay bills and regular expenses.

Before you decide how to handle your financial accounts, consult with your lawyer. If they are suggesting you go take all of the money out without a good reason, I would seriously reevaluate the whether that lawyer shares your desire for a civilized divorce.

3. Determine Income (yours and your spouses)

Your lawyer will need documentation showing your income (if you work outside the home) and the income of your spouse. This is important for a number of reasons, but primarily for child and spousal support.

If your spouse is a salaried employee then your job is easy. Obtain a copy of the most recent pay stub and the most recent Income Tax Return. If you do not have access to either of these, you can obtain a copy of the Income Tax Return by requesting it from the IRS.

Complete Form 4506, Request for Copy of Tax Return and mail it to the IRS address in the instructions along with a $39 fee for each tax year requested. Copies are generally available for returns filed in the current and past 6 years. You can download the form at www.irs.gov.

If your spouse is self employed, then the job of determining their income becomes much more difficult. This is why discretion about your divorce plans is important. You may want to discreetly question your spouse (or if he has one, his business partner or his partner’s spouse) about income. You can attempt to get copies of bank account statements and financial statements of the business.

Another good way to prove income and assets of a self employed spouse is to obtain a copy of a loan application or net worth statement that they may have submitted to a bank or other lending institution for a loan.

Sometimes it is difficult to prove the actual income of a self employed spouse. At this point, gather the information you can. In the case of a self-employed spouse, your lawyer will likely have to help you by using the discovery process to obtain and analyze additional information.

4. Handle Credit Accounts Wisely

If a divorce is imminent, you do not want to be liable on any accounts on which your spouse has charging privileges. It is not unheard of for an angry spouse, upon learning of a divorce, to go on a shopping spree. Likewise, some lawyers may advise their clients to take out cash advances on joint cards to provide a cushion while the divorce is pending or to charge a large amount in lawyer’s fees on to joint cards.

You will want to consider canceling such joint accounts or at least reducing the spending limits. If they are an authorized user on charge cards in your name, see what steps the credit card companies require to remove them as an authorized user.

Also consider home equity lines of credit. You may need to consider whether you should close it or restrict access pending the resolution of the divorce.

Whatever you do, do not neglect to think seriously about how to handle this issue, and discuss it with your lawyer before making a final decision.

5. Avoid Additional Debt

If a divorce is going to happen, you want to be conservative with the finances. It is not time to be putting in a pool, buying a new car, or buying new furniture on credit. You want to simplify the financial situation not make it more complex.

When the divorce occurs, one of the primary things that has to happen is for the divorce court to allocate who will be responsible for what debts. Generally speaking, the less complex the debt situation, the easier task that will be.

I should note again, all of this is general information. Your own specific situation may cause you to need to vary from it. For example, there are times when you may have to get an automobile and it would be better to do it before the divorce because you won’t have sufficient credit on your own after the divorce. So, obviously you will want to get specific advice from your own lawyer – which is why Step 1 was find a wise guide (an experienced, competent divorce law specialist)!

6. Stay Put, Unless Advised Otherwise

One of the most common questions I am asked by my clients is whether they can move out of the house. In most cases my answer to them is to stay put. It is not the answer most of my clients want.

I know that things are stressful. I know that they will likely get worse before they get better. Unfortunately, there are several reasons to avoid leaving. The most important ones are the following:

It could jeopardize your custody claim. If you end up in a custody dispute, then if you leave the house and the children remain there with your spouse you will almost guarantee that you will not receive primary custody. If the case becomes contested, it could drag out for many months (even a year or two). If your spouse has had primary physical custody that entire time and you’ve had alternate weekend visitation, then unless your spouse has made major mistakes in the interim, they will likely maintain primary custody.
It could affect your property interests. You’ve moved out. Your spouse pays the mortgage the entire time the case is pending. Some judges may factor that in when making the property division.
You will lose leverage in the negotiations. This is big. You want the divorce. Your spouse doesn’t. You decide you have to get out of the house. You move to an apartment and are paying your rent and the home mortgage. Now under the Pre-trial Status Quo Order you may be required to keep paying it as long as the case is pending. You have just given your spouse a major incentive to drag out the litigation. I see it happen all the time. Eventually you decide to settle for much worse terms because you can’t keep paying for two households. Do not make this mistake.

Moving out of the house can have dramatic effects on the case. Do not do it without discussing it with your lawyer and giving it a great deal of thought. You should know, also, that some judges will consider a motion for temporary possession of the residence pending the trial. This varies dramatically from county to county (and sometimes even from judge to judge) so you will want to discuss it with your lawyer.

It goes without saying that if domestic violence is an issue, then all of this is moot. You will need to take whatever steps you must to protect yourself. Just make sure you let your lawyer know what is going on. In the case of domestic violence, your lawyer may actually be able to have your spouse removed from the house.

7. Keep a Detailed Diary

Maintain a detailed diary or calendar of all significant events leading up to and during the divorce. This record is invaluable for legal proceedings, especially if the case becomes contentious. Discuss with your attorney the best way to manage this information to protect its confidentiality during the divorce.

List of Steps to Prepare for Divorce:

Document and safeguard personal and valuable property.
Assess and secure financial accounts appropriately.
Manage credit accounts by limiting exposure to joint debt.
Avoid new debts or major purchases that can complicate financial proceedings.
Stay in the marital home to protect your legal interests, unless safety is a concern.
Keep a detailed diary of events related to the divorce.

Need a Brooklyn Divorce Attorney?

With extensive experience in New York family law, Brian D. Perskin and Associates offers expert guidance and representation in divorce cases. Understanding the nuances of divorce law and preparation, our firm is dedicated to protecting your interests and achieving favorable outcomes.

If you are considering a divorce in New York and need expert advice and representation, contact Brian D. Perskin and Associates. Let us help you navigate your divorce with the confidence that your legal rights and interests are being protected. Visit our website or call us today for a consultation.