How to Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce

You probably won’t be blindsiding your spouse with the news that you want a divorce, unless he or she has not been paying attention to your recent problems. This is why you are advised to hire a divorce lawyer before you tell your spouse, since being the first to file definitely gives you an advantage. Another benefit is that this way, your lawyer can craft a letter that notifies your spouse of the impending divorce, taking some of the pressure off you.

It is still necessary to get the letter to your spouse, though, so you need to decide when and where to do it. If you feel your spouse will be a threat to you or the children after hearing the news, you can ask your lawyer to help you get an Order of Protection before you take this step. You may also choose to deliver the news in a public place where your spouse would likely be forced to keep his or her composure.


It is impossible to know how someone will respond to the news of divorce. If he or she is expecting it, and you have discussed the issue before, the reaction might be easy to handle. However, angry or surprised spouses may react in one or more of the following ways:

  • Complete silence
  • A request for an explanation
  • A quick exit to go think alone
  • Various threats

If your spouse reacts with a threat, it often involves money or the kids. For example, your spouse might swear that you will never get alimony or any of your shared assets. He or she might simply threaten to ensure that the case carries on for years so that you give up. However, the lawyers at Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C. know how to continue moving the case forward so that your spouse’s attempts to stall do not work. The uncooperative spouse could even get into legal trouble for using stall tactics, so rest assured that this approach will not work for him or her.

If you have kids, your spouse will likely threaten that you will never see them, even if you are currently the primary caregiver. Fortunately, your spouse would be wrong in most cases. In fact, most courts frown on parents using their kids to control someone out of anger, so this kind of threat can even reduce your spouse’s chances of getting child custody.

Most judges want to help both parents be involved in the child’s life, unless one of them is a threat to the child’s safety. This means that as long as you can provide a safe, loving home for the child, you still have a chance of custody or at least visitation, despite your spouse’s threats.


If your partner has made you afraid to get a divorce, such as through threats or manipulation, let us know. We have helped several terrified spouses get out of a dangerous environment. Don’t let yourself be manipulated into staying, especially once you have mentioned divorce to your spouse, as you could be in danger.

We have the ability to get an Order of Protection to make sure you and your kids are safe during divorce. If you have any reason to believe your spouse will try to harm you, let us know immediately so we can get started helping you today. We have dealt with plenty of complicated, emotional cases that needed to be resolved as quickly as possible. We are understanding of your feelings, and we are aggressive when it comes to dealing with your spouse and his or her lawyer.

If you are ready to file for divorce, contact Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C. today. We can help you handle the process of telling your spouse, getting protection from him or her, and dealing with any threats.

Top New York Divorce Attorneys

Schedule a Consultation Today

Scroll to Top