4 Hurtful Things Your Friends Might Say During Your Divorce
There are many difficult things about divorce, and one is when you have to tell your friends. Of course, you should be able to expect support during this hard time, yet many friends just don't know what to say. Here are some of the most common phrases you might hear during your divorce.
"How are you going to support yourself?"
Just because you are getting divorced does not mean you are going to become homeless. In fact, if your spouse made all the money, you may be receiving alimony to help you support yourself. If you have children and you have custody of them, you can expect child support to help with the expenses of raising them. In addition, you should be splitting your assets. If you choose to cash out accounts, such as 401ks, or sell your home and split the profits, you should be getting money soon. This can help you get on your feet while you get used to the idea of living apart from your ex.
"Now we can't all hang out together!"
Your friends may be affected by your divorce in that now they feel they have to choose sides. Your group may be split up, but this should not be your friends' first concern. They should keep in mind that this affects you far more than it affects them, but this selfish line may still be uttered by friends who do not know what to say.
"I saw this coming"
This is a negative outlook that makes it seem like your friends were all waiting for you to finally see what they saw, and get divorced. No one wants to think their friends thought so lowly of their marriage for years. If your friends say this, you can let them know that you had some good times in your marriage, and that it was not always like this or you would not have gotten married.
"Aww, I feel sorry for your ex"
This statement makes it seem like your friends think they know more about your marriage or spouse than you did. They might claim that your ex was too nice or too good of a spouse to divorce. This can make it seem like your feelings do not mean much to your friends, and it may suggest that you did not try hard enough to make the marriage work. You do not have to tell your friends everything that went on the marriage if you do not want to, but if you feel they have an inaccurate picture of your spouse, feel free to correct them.
Many of these phrases are hurtful, but you should not take them personally. People just rarely know what to say when major life changes like this take place. If your friends end up saying things that hurt, you should address them and gently correct them if you feel comfortable. If you do not feel like correcting the comments, you could just let them roll off your back as you try to process everything that is happening in this difficult stage of life. If you have any questions during this time, contact Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C.