Parenting is already one of the most difficult jobs out there, but co-parenting after a divorce? That’s a whole new level of complexity. When emotions are still raw and routines are shifting, raising children with your ex can feel overwhelming — even if you both want what’s best for your kids.
You can be a great co-parent, even if your relationship with your ex is far from perfect. With patience, mutual respect, and a few key strategies, it’s possible to build a co-parenting system that prioritizes your children’s well-being without sacrificing your peace of mind.
Here are our top tips for becoming the best co-parent you can be.
1. Make the Choice to Co-Parent — Intentionally
Co-parenting doesn’t mean just showing up on your scheduled days. It means recognizing that while your romantic relationship has ended, your parenting partnership hasn’t. You’re still both parents to your children — and you’re in this together for the long haul.
Being a good co-parent starts with deciding to be one. That means setting aside personal grievances, choosing your battles wisely, and remembering that this is no longer about your relationship with your ex — it’s about your kids.
2. Improve Your Communication (and Know When to Text Instead)
One of the most common challenges divorced parents face is communication. Phone calls can quickly spiral into arguments, especially when tensions are high. If this sounds familiar, consider switching to text messages or email. It gives you time to cool down before responding, reduces misunderstandings, and creates a written record of your conversations.
Many parents also use co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents to streamline scheduling, expense tracking, and general communication. The goal isn’t to chat all day — it’s to make logistics easier and minimize emotional friction.
3. Respect Each Other — Even If You Don’t Like Each Other
Let’s be honest: you don’t have to be friends with your ex to be a great co-parent. But you do have to show them respect — especially in front of your children. When kids see their parents treating each other with dignity, it reassures them that their world is still safe and stable, even if it’s different.
This includes refraining from bad-mouthing your ex, mocking their parenting style, or involving your child in adult conflicts. Modeling respectful behavior is a gift you give your children — and yourself.
4. Keep a Regular Schedule (But Stay Flexible)
Kids thrive on routine. Having a consistent parenting schedule helps them feel secure and know what to expect. That said, life happens — illness, work conflicts, family emergencies — and flexibility is key.
If your ex needs to switch a weekend, try not to treat it as an affront. Instead, think of it as teamwork. Communicate changes in advance when possible, and approach scheduling like a shared calendar, not a battleground.
5. Pick Your Battles Carefully
Newsflash: if your ex annoyed you during the marriage, they’ll probably still do things that bug you post-divorce. You don’t need to call them out for every minor irritation.
Before bringing something up, ask yourself: Is this issue harming my child? Or is it just annoying to me? If it’s the latter, take a deep breath and let it go. Reserve conflict for real concerns — like safety, education, or health — not bedtime differences or extra dessert.
6. Talk to Each Other — About the Right Things
Co-parenting works best when both parents stay in the loop. That doesn’t mean you need to know about each other’s personal lives — but you do need to communicate about your children.
Check in about school updates, emotional changes, health concerns, and extracurricular commitments. Use your agreed-upon communication method (text, call, app) to share important details and decisions.
Some parents even schedule regular check-ins — monthly dinners or Zoom calls — to sync up. This isn’t required, but it can be helpful if you’re both able to remain civil.
7. Be a United Front When It Counts
Even if your parenting styles are different, it’s important to align on major issues: discipline, education, health care, and emotional needs. Your child will benefit most when both parents provide consistency and structure — even if the rules aren’t identical in each home.
When facing major decisions, meet in person if possible. Presenting a united front to your kids — especially when it comes to tough topics — shows them that you are still on the same team when it comes to their needs.
8. Honor Each Other’s Values
You may think you already know your ex’s parenting values — but post-divorce, those may shift. Take the time to have a calm, honest conversation about what matters most to each of you. Is it academic success? Emotional development? Religious upbringing?
Respecting those values, even if you don’t share them exactly, sets the tone for mutual cooperation. It’s not about agreement — it’s about understanding.
9. Give Your Co-Parent the Benefit of the Doubt
Kids say all kinds of things — some accurate, some wildly exaggerated. If your child reports something that makes your blood boil (“Mom said you’re lazy!” or “Dad lets me do whatever I want!”), don’t leap to conclusions.
Instead, take a beat. Reach out to your ex in a neutral, non-accusatory way. More often than not, things were taken out of context or misunderstood. Leading with curiosity instead of confrontation keeps your co-parenting relationship intact.
10. Don’t Be Afraid to Get Help
If co-parenting feels impossible or is leading to constant stress, don’t tough it out alone. Mediation, parenting coordination, or counseling can help you and your ex build a better working relationship — for your sake and your children’s.
Sometimes all it takes is a few guided conversations to clarify expectations, improve communication, and break old habits. And if legal modifications are needed — like changing custody agreements or enforcing child support — a qualified family attorney in NYC can help.
Hire Our Brooklyn or Manhattan Family Attorneys
At Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C., we understand how delicate and complicated co-parenting can be. Whether you’re facing issues with your custody agreement, struggling to communicate effectively with your ex, or simply need support navigating post-divorce parenting, we’re here to help.
📍 Offices in Brooklyn and Manhattan
📞 Call 718-875-7584 or 866-822-9961 for a confidential case evaluation.
Let us help you build a co-parenting plan that supports your children — and your peace of mind.