Divorce is one of the worst life events half of American couples go through. From trying to divide assets, plan custody and fight through depression… it’s easy to fight with your soon to be ex-spouse. But not all divorces need to be hostile or contentious. In fact, many New Yorkers are choosing to pursue an amicable divorce—a process that prioritizes mutual respect, open communication, and long-term cooperation, especially for families with children.
If you’re considering divorce but want to avoid a drawn-out legal battle, these seven tips can help you and your spouse part ways with dignity, clarity, and compassion.
1. Begin With Emotional Healing
Before you file any paperwork or call an attorney, give yourself permission to process what you’re going through. Even in the most civil circumstances, the end of a marriage is a significant life transition. You’re not just dividing property—you’re letting go of shared dreams and routines.
Consider seeing a therapist or divorce coach who can help you sort through the emotional fog before legal proceedings begin. This self-awareness will serve as your emotional anchor when things get difficult—and it often helps prevent emotional decisions from derailing an otherwise peaceful process.
2. Focus on the Future, Not the Past
One of the most powerful mindset shifts you can make during a divorce is this: stop reliving what broke the marriage, and start focusing on what life could look like after it.
It’s tempting to dwell on past hurts or injustices, but doing so usually prolongs tension and resentment. Amicable divorces require a forward-looking perspective. Whether it’s your children’s wellbeing, financial independence, or a fresh start—you’ll move through the process more smoothly if you stay focused on your future goals rather than your past frustrations.
3. Get Clear on What Matters Most
You won’t get everything you want in your divorce—and neither will your spouse. The key to a peaceful separation is knowing what’s truly important to you.
Make a list of your priorities. Do you want primary custody of your children? To keep the family home? To preserve retirement savings? Identifying your “non-negotiables” ahead of time can help you avoid turning minor issues into major conflicts.
It’s also wise to discuss these priorities with your attorney, so they can advocate for what truly matters—without wasting energy on things that don’t.
4. Practice Clear, Respectful Communication
Divorcing spouses often struggle to talk to each other without it turning into an argument. And yet, communication is critical—especially when discussing finances, custody, and future arrangements.
One helpful tip? Keep conversations businesslike. Speak to your spouse the same way you would a coworker: calmly, directly, and with the goal of finding a solution. Use email or text if verbal conversations tend to get heated. For co-parents, apps like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents can help streamline scheduling and limit emotional outbursts.
If you’re really struggling to communicate, consider using a mediator or divorce coach to facilitate conversations.
5. Consider Mediation or Collaborative Divorce
Going to court should be your last resort—not your first. Litigation tends to escalate hostility, prolong the process, and increase costs.
Instead, couples in New York can use divorce mediation—a process where a neutral third party helps both spouses come to an agreement on their own. It’s private, efficient, and significantly more cost-effective than courtroom battles. Another option is collaborative divorce, where each spouse hires an attorney, but everyone agrees to resolve things without going to court.
Both methods empower you and your spouse to maintain control over your outcome instead of leaving decisions in the hands of a judge.
6. Put the Kids First
If you have children, the tone of your divorce will have a lasting impact on them. Kids do best when they see their parents cooperating—even if they’re no longer together.
Work together to build a parenting plan that prioritizes your children’s stability, routine, and emotional wellbeing. Avoid using your children as messengers or leverage in negotiations. And never badmouth the other parent in front of them—it only creates confusion and distress.
Ask yourself: What do I want my kids to remember about how I handled this? Then let that guide your behavior.
7. Set Boundaries and Take Breaks
Even in the most amicable divorces, emotions run high. When you feel overwhelmed or frustrated, it’s okay to take a step back. Saying, “I need to sleep on that,” or “Let’s pause and come back to this next week,” is a mature way to prevent unnecessary arguments.
Equally important: set emotional boundaries. You don’t need to be best friends with your ex, especially right away. Keep your conversations focused on logistics and future planning. As time passes, many exes are able to form a respectful, even friendly relationship—but don’t force it. Give yourself space to heal.
Hire Our Brooklyn or Manhattan Family Attorneys
While amicable divorces are ideal, they’re not always easy. You still need an attorney who understands your goals and knows how to protect your interests—without escalating conflict.
At Brian D. Perskin & Associates P.C., we help New Yorkers navigate divorce with dignity. Whether you’re aiming for a peaceful mediation or need someone to step in when collaboration breaks down, our team offers personalized guidance every step of the way.
📍 Serving clients in Brooklyn and Manhattan
📞 Call 718-875-7584 or 866-822-9961 to schedule a confidential case evaluation.
Let us help you close this chapter with clarity—and start the next one with confidence.