Social media; you either love it or you hate it. But regardless of your personal opinions on the matter, social media will have a major effect on your divorce case. How you handle your individual accounts will help to determine if social media will be your friend, or foe, after filing for divorce.
As an experienced New York City divorce attorney, I’ve seen firsthand how a simple Facebook update or Instagram story can snowball into evidence in court. We all understand the urge to vent or “flex” online – maybe posting about a downtown lunch with friends or sharing an Instagram-worthy vacation photo. But during a divorce (especially here in NYC’s tight-knit circles), that harmless post can quickly turn into “Exhibit A” before a judge.
Studies About Social Media and Divorce
Surprisingly, research has shown that social media use may contribute to marital breakdown. A joint study by Pontificia Universidad Católica de Chile and Boston University found a direct correlation between social networking activity and marriage quality. While the amount of time spent on these platforms plays a role, it’s not the sole factor. Platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat can serve as catalysts for infidelity and jealousy. In relationships already experiencing strain, the accessibility and anonymity of social media can heighten temptation and make it easier to cross boundaries.
Additionally, according to a 2019 study conducted by The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, they state “Increasingly, electronic communications are seen as a “gold mine” for evidence in family law cases – especially when the custody of children is involved.” This is unsurprising, when 69% of the 18+ population uses social media, with 35% of those users being 65 years of age or older.
How Judges Interpret Social Media in Divorce Court
Judges are increasingly savvy about social media. They view online posts, photos, and even comments much like any other piece of evidence – if it’s relevant, credible, and legally obtained, it can be admitted in court.
Here’s what judges may infer from your posts:
- You’re reckless or immature (if you post about partying while in a custody battle)
- You’re dishonest (if you claim to be broke but show off recent purchases)
- You’re antagonistic (if you badmouth your ex publicly)
- You’re uninvolved (if your social profiles show little to no mention of your children)
Can Judges See My Social Profile if it’s Private?
YES. Just because a profile is set to “private” doesn’t mean it’s protected in court. Judges allow subpoenaed or shared content into evidence, and even deleted posts can reappear. Always post with the assumption that a judge could eventually see it.
They’re Looking At Your Parenting Ability
Judges evaluate your judgment based on your social media activity. Posts showing late-night partying, venting about your ex, or even questionable parenting moments (like a child without a coat) can raise serious concerns about your fitness as a parent and affect child custody—regardless of your real-world intentions.
They’re Verifying Your Financial Credibility
If you’re claiming financial hardship in court, but your Instagram tells a different story—luxury purchases, lavish vacations, or new gigs you haven’t disclosed—you could damage your case. Just ask Bow Wow, whose social media contradicted his courtroom claims and cost him in child support (more on this below!).
They’re Determining Your Emotional Stability and Conduct
Publicly attacking your ex or posting emotional outbursts can make you appear hostile or immature. Family courts in New York expect parents to stay “content neutral” and demonstrate a willingness to co-parent peacefully—your social posts tell that story whether you realize it or not.
Real-World Examples: When Digital Posts Shape Divorce Outcomes
To understand how seriously these issues play out, let’s look at a few real-world divorce dramas influenced by social media or digital trails:
- The $995 Million Divorce: Harold Hamm’s Settlement
Even without a social media scandal, Harold Hamm’s nearly $1 billion divorce settlement shows how everything is dissected in high-asset divorces. Public comments, financial transparency, and even offhand statements can be scrutinized. If a billionaire’s casual remarks can impact court decisions, imagine what a reckless tweet might do in your case. - Bow Wow’s Instagram vs. the Courtroom
Rapper Bow Wow claimed poverty during a child support hearing—while publicly celebrating a lucrative new job. The contradiction led the judge to question his honesty and increase his payment obligations. Social media posts that contradict financial disclosures can and will be used to uncover hidden income or spending, even for everyday litigants. - Kardashian-West Divorce: Online Outbursts and Custody Battles
Kanye West’s frequent public rants against Kim Kardashian became a cautionary tale. His angry posts likely strengthened Kim’s custody position, with judges favoring parents who promote a stable, cooperative co-parenting environment. In New York, similar behavior could impact custody, parenting time, or even trigger legal restrictions. - Facebook: The Uninvited Witness in Everyday Divorces
From cheating allegations to custody violations, Facebook and Instagram have been central in countless everyday divorce cases. One Brooklyn client discovered her husband’s affair through location check-ins. A Queens father used his ex-wife’s posts to prove she violated their custody agreement. Lesson: even deleted posts or tags from friends can resurface as powerful evidence.
7 Things to Avoid Posting During a Divorce
By now, you might be feeling a little paranoid about your online presence. That’s not a bad thing. During a divorce (and even afterwards, frankly), you should use an abundance of caution on social media. Here are key types of posts to absolutely avoid while your case is pending:
- Disparaging Your Ex: Publicly ranting or badmouthing your spouse can reflect poorly on your emotional maturity and willingness to co-parent. Judges look unfavorably on this behavior—it’s best left off social media and shared privately with trusted support.
- Partying or Irresponsible Behavior: Posts that show excessive drinking, drug use, or wild nights out can be used to question your judgment, parenting fitness, or financial priorities. Even one post can be twisted out of proportion in court.
- Showing Off Wealth: Flaunting new purchases, luxury travel, or financial wins can contradict claims of financial hardship and raise red flags during support or asset division negotiations. Keep the “flexes” private until after the divorce is finalized.
- New Relationships: Publicizing a new romance during divorce proceedings can provoke conflict and negatively influence settlement discussions. It may also raise questions about misuse of marital funds. Discretion is key.
- Content Involving Children: Even innocent posts about your kids can be misinterpreted—like missing events or exposing them to adult environments. Never vent about custody or support issues online. Judges expect parents to shield children from the divorce, not drag them into it.
- Court Commentary or Legal Drama: Refrain from sharing legal updates or criticizing the court, lawyers, or your ex online. It can violate confidentiality, look unprofessional, and damage your credibility.
- Posting “Receipts” or Evidence: While it’s smart to collect proof, posting it online is risky. You may inadvertently alert your ex or weaken your position. Let your attorney handle the evidence privately and strategically.
Every piece of online information should be filtered through your legal game plan. Ask yourself: “Am I reacting out of anger or hurt?” If so, DO NOT POST.
5 Ways Social Media Can Help You in Divorce
It’s not all doom and gloom – sometimes, social media can actually work in your favor during a divorce. The key is that you use it proactively and responsibly, rather than impulsively. Here are a few scenarios where social media or other digital evidence can support your case:
- Catching Lies and Inconsistencies: If your ex claims one thing in court but lives a different story online, their posts can help challenge their credibility—whether it’s claiming to be unemployed while starting a new business or saying they’re always with the kids while frequently posting from nights out.
- Uncovering Hidden Assets or Spending: Photos of expensive purchases, luxury trips, or big-ticket “check-ins” that weren’t disclosed in financial documents can indicate hidden income or assets. Social media can be a crucial tool in asset tracing—sometimes even more revealing than bank statements.
- Documenting Harassment or Abuse: Threatening messages, cyber-stalking, aggressive posts, or public outbursts can support claims of harassment, help obtain protective orders, or bolster custody arguments. When your ex lacks control online, their behavior can become your evidence.
- Demonstrating Positive Parenting (Cautiously): A few thoughtful, wholesome posts—like helping with homework or a day at the park—can quietly refute claims that you’re uninvolved. Just avoid oversharing or anything that looks staged or combative.
- Establishing a Timeline of Events: Social posts from either side can help piece together key dates—like vacations, purchases, or the start of a new relationship—that may support your case, especially in asset division or custody disputes.
In all these scenarios, the guiding principle is strategy and caution. Use the evidence value of social media, not the emotional value.
Think Before You Post — Talk to a NYC Divorce Attorney First
Before you share anything online—even something seemingly harmless—ask yourself: Would I be comfortable explaining this to a judge under oath? If you’re not sure what’s safe to post or suspect your ex is building a digital case against you, speak with the experienced divorce attorneys at Brian D. Perskin & Associates. We know how to navigate the new era of social media-fueled divorce litigation—and we can help protect your reputation, your rights, and your future.