Chances are, immediately after you announce your divorce, you will be on the receiving end of a slew of continuous advice from family and friends. While this advice is delivered with good intentions, it can sometimes be linked to additional stress in an already hard to handle situation. But how do you approach your loved ones when the advice becomes too much to handle?
Depending on the type of divorce you’re proceeding with (contested or uncontested), and whether or not there are children involved or assets, advice such as “hire an attorney” should be valued and followed. After all, your loved one has your best interest in mind. However, a friend constantly telling you to kick your spouse out of the house, restrict his or her access to your children, and freeze all of their bank accounts is NOT mindful advice if you’re considering an uncontested divorce. It will be impossible to keep an amicable relationship with your children’s other parent if you purposely make the divorce process as complicated, stressful and time consuming as possible.
Some family members or friends may be against divorce, and would rather try to convince you and your spouse to work on your marriage. To their credit, certain marital issues can be resolved with counseling; however, there are instances when some things aren’t just meant to be. Perhaps your marriage was an abusive one (either directed towards you or your children), or there has been too much deception. In a situation such as these, filing for divorce is a good thing. You should never listen to advice that urges you to stay in an unpleasant or harmful environment.
There are a few different approaches you can take while dealing with unwanted divorce or family law advice. You can opt take the polite route when addressing your loved ones by simply saying “I appreciate your concern, but I do not think that is the right course of action for my situation”. By saying this, you are acknowledging that you are thankful for their help, but you do not think their suggestion will benefit your case. If your loved one continues to offer unwanted and harmful advice, even after you have repeatedly told them that their suggestions aren’t beneficial, you will need to have a serious discussion with them. By saying, “We have discussed my divorce multiple times, and your advice is not going to help me obtain the result that I am looking for. I appreciate the fact that you care about my wellbeing, but I need you to support me. My attorney has a firm grasp of the situation”.
In some instances, a friend or family member will bad-mouth your ex. They may not notice that they are hurting your feelings by doing this, but if they are, you need to speak up. By belittling your former spouse, they can make you feel sad, bitter, angry or depressed for marrying your partner. After all, you two use to be happy together. Address this issue firmly by approaching your family member and saying, “I do not like it when you constantly refer to Joe as a jerk and a deadbeat. Even though I am divorcing him, I do not want to hear him talked about so negatively. I understand that you’re trying to support me, but I’d much rather you keep my company rather than make me feel bad for marrying him”.
Loved ones, and even acquaintances, will often draw from their own experience with divorce while trying to offer you advice. Every case is different; therefore, there isn’t any advice that can be applied across the board. To discuss your pending divorce or family law matter with an experienced matrimonial attorney, contact the law firm of Brian D. Perskin & Associates today!